The Things That Matter Most

Whenever Savannah walks by a flower, she has to stop and smell it. She gets so excited and says to me "Flower Flower!" Then she tells me the color of the flower with as just as much enthusiasm. Every time she sees a butterfly she gets so excited and tells me. Every rock, every star. She notices all of the little things that we, much of the time will just walk by without even thinking about. Savannah see's the true beauty in everything and everyone. She would never not play with another child because they looked or acted different. She is her own unique kind of person. She loves everyone and when she smiles or laughs you just can't help but smile back at her. I was reading a talk given by President Uchtdorf, from conference about The Things That Matter Most.

"This is a simple but critical lesson to learn. It may seem logical when put in terms of trees or turbulence, but it’s surprising how easy it is to ignore this lesson when it comes to applying these principles in our own daily lives. When stress levels rise, when distress appears, when tragedy strikes, too often we attempt to keep up the same frantic pace or even accelerate, thinking somehow that the more rushed our pace, the better off we will be.

One of the characteristics of modern life seems to be that we are moving at an ever-increasing rate, regardless of turbulence or obstacles.

Let’s be honest; it’s rather easy to be busy. We all can think up a list of tasks that will overwhelm our schedules. Some might even think that their self-worth depends on the length of their to-do list. They flood the open spaces in their time with lists of meetings and minutia—even during times of stress and fatigue. Because they unnecessarily complicate their lives, they often feel increased frustration, diminished joy, and too little sense of meaning in their lives.

It is said that any virtue when taken to an extreme can become a vice. Overscheduling our days would certainly qualify for this. There comes a point where milestones can become millstones and ambitions, albatrosses around our necks."-President Uchtdorf

I realized that I've been overwhelming myself and keeping myself busy doing projects, going places, going to appointment after appointment. I've been trying to keep myself busy so I don't have to think about it, because when I read or hear about a sick child or a child with a disability, watch a movie and someone is going blind, a child dying, a family suffering from a loss I just can't stop my emotions and It overwhelms me and I just can't stop crying. I've even had to leave class one lesson after sacrament. When I stop I just can't help, but dwell on my fears of losing Xander.When I left the Hospital the last time as soon as I had gotten into my car to leave I started crying, thinking that this place, this scary place where, I have to feel the fear of losing my children every time they have a surgery,feeling the helplessness that it is out of my hands, this could be the last place that I see my Xander. I go in for test, and watching Savannah or Xander screaming out of pain or fear, not being able to help them, because this is the only way of getting answers, most of the time by myself, not knowing what they are going to be telling me. It might be where I have the last movement where I look into his big brown eyes, so full of life and then watch them dim and fade. I suddenly felt hatred for that place. Not for the doctors or nurses, but for that place full of fear and pain. I know that everything might be just fine and he'll have his surgeries and recover, but the reality of him being just so close of him leaving us scares me so much. Savannah is just starting to notice him. She gives him hugs and kisses. We've watched him fight for his little life and we've watched him grow strong and he's just starting to show his personality. How would I able to watch as other mothers play with their little ones and watch them crawl, walk, and talk if I lose him before I get to see him do all of those things. How would I be able to go on with a part of me gone? I know that I shouldn't be thinking of these things, but I am just so afraid of not knowing. I feel like I have to prepare myself for everything, but I just don't know when? where? will he? why? How? I just know that I am just so grateful for the gospel and for my family. They are the most important things in my life.
I need to try and let the fear go and stop and smell the flowers. I need to embrace every minute with my husband and my children. I need to take pictures and remember the good moments, the ones that really matter.