Tomorrow is Mother's Day. It is usually a sad and hard day for me. It is a time of the year that I am reminded of all of the reasons that I am not a good or, "perfect" mother. It is very hard and even depressing sometimes that I can't have healthy children. My love for my precious children is unmeasurable, and I wouldn't change them for the world but, I feel like it is I that did this to them and that everything that they go through is my fault. I know that in reality that it isn't my fault but as a mother it is always in the back of my mind that I am never doing enough and that my best is never good enough for Savannah and Xander.
For mothers, one of the most meaningful gifts on mother's Day are those priceless hand-crafted, crayon colored cards from your children. Three years ago, on Mother's Day I received a priceless and beautiful Mother's Day gift. I was able to bring home my sweet baby Xander home from the hospital after 15 days in the NICU. That was also the day that Savannah was able to meet her little brother for the first time. It was a day that I will never forget. This Mother's Day, I am challenging myself to think of and really notice all of the small blessings that my children and Heavenly Father have given me.
I know that I am so blessed because even without their words, I always know what they need, and when they are scared or hurting I can hold them in the safety of my arms. When I smile at them, they smile back warmly at me. A few times in these last few weeks Savannah, has looked at me with her beautiful blue eyes and said to me, "I love you mommy!" When I hold their small hands when we go on walks, I can feel their happiness in the swing of their hands and the skipping of their feet, as they try to keep up. I can hear the pride in Savannah's voice as she screams with her face beaming, that she did it, after she said she couldn't and I told her she could, and she did! Every day, as I see kids doing more, I am so overjoyed in the small successes that Savannah and Xander achieve. They are truly children of God. Nothing, could every give me more joy then watching my two little angles laughing and playing together. I am a very blessed mother.