Friday, July 30, 2010
My Fears, Hopes, And Dreams
Every day that passes by I think about all of the precious memories that I want Savannah to have. I want her to always remember how she loves looking flowers. She can't walk by a flower without telling me what color it is and smelling it. She loves dandelions. I want her to remember the beauty of nature. She loves to play outside and tell me all of the colors she sees. I want her to always remember my face, and know how much I love her. I want her to know how beautiful she is. I want her to have the self conference that I've never had. I hope she grows up and is never afraid to do anything and doesn't set boundaries for herself. My dream for Savannah is that she will grow up into a beautiful young women, go to college, fall in love, get sealed in the temple, have her own children, and then grow old. I've learned that you should never feel sorry for yourself because there will always be someone who will have a greater trial than yours. I hope that no one feels sorry for me, because I am very, very blessed. Today I went on the Young women s hike and I listened to a wonderful, courageous young women give a talk about fears. She touch me by how strong she was and how she didn't let her disability stand in her way. She makes a difference in the world. I know that we could all feel the spirit when she talked. I would love for Savannah to be like her! We all have fears. We were asked to write them down. My fear is that I will lose my two children, or one of them. I'm afraid of every time they have to have a surgery. I'm afraid that I will fail them as a mother. I'm afraid that Savannah will have a hard time making friends or that other kids will be mean to her because she's different. I'm afraid that I'm not a perfect wife. I'm afraid of all of the things my children will never get to see, such as their children. I have learned that it doesn't matter what you look like. I've always worried about how I look and if people like me, but I know that it doesn't matter. Some of the most beautiful people are different. Savannah has taught me that we shouldn't see people by what they look like. We should feel with our hearts. I feel that she and Xander are perfect in gods eyes and she will always feel with her heart the beauty inside people. We are no different from people with syndromes or handicaps, or mental health. We all have feelings. We all have earthly and heavenly parents that love us. Savannah is my daughter. Xander is my son. I don't want them to be afraid of the world. I wonder if it's easier to have seen and then loose your sight or to never have seen at all.